Crazy thing called life

I know it has been a while since I have had a chance to sit down and write.... Life has been crazy in our house. We have finished Basketball  and  competition season so things in the dance department have slowed down some. But we are now on our way to starting Volleyball Season for KE and still in the midst of Tennis with AM so life is still super busy. I am getting married in 9 days and am totally excited I never really thought I would remarry after the other one was such a miserable fail and so I figured it just want in the cards for me. I guess we will see how this one goes. I am truly scared to death about it to be honest I am so afraid I am going to mess it up. Also our Landlord has decided to sell the house that we live in so I am back to hunting for a rental house that we like and is close to the kids school but I did find a guy who is willing to help us find a house to buy hopefully next year when we get a tax return. I am so glad that the kids are home for good and that they have to spend as little time with their dad as possible. The kids are extremely happy about this. So on the weight lose front I started Weight Watchers and I am in love completely I have lost 8 pounds in 2 weeks and that makes me very happy but since I broke my foot a few weeks ago being stupid and kicking the General Lee on accident  and poof the foot broke... It completely sucks and so I go back next week to see if I can take this dang boot off and go back to running..... Then I will completely be super happy.  In the kids lives KN has decided to try out for officer of the Dixie Belles and is very happy about doing the student choreography Contest next weekend she also got the news the other day she is ranked 19th out of 600 in her class.... Mommy and Papa are very proud of her and her very smart brain. AM is loving tennis even if we did have a match the other morning in 28 degree weather... was to cold to even breath..... He is looking forward to playing next year in High school..... KE well she has been having a rough few weeks and we are doing a lot to work on that.... Counseling starts back next week and Volleyball starts in a few weeks... I am praying this will be what she needs so that she can move on and learn to cope with the grief of losing her sister and the divorce and all that stuff......  As far as me well I am enjoying work even with all the crazy stuff and staying busy helps pass the time ........ Until Next Time.... prayers for a safe and happy week for every one and an amazing spring break to all the teachers

Life is a crazy place......

I have been trying to figure out how to put my feelings over the last week into words and I am still not sure I am there but I am going to try. I always say in our house when it rains it pours and man has is been pouring at our house this week...... OK so I guess I should start at the beginning.....So we had our first weekend home all together.... Which would normally have been awesome... Friday night  we took AM out for dinner for his birthday since he was the only one home..... So then I figured some alone time with each kids would be a great Idea........ So Saturday we took KN looking for Ball Dresses.... This was not fun she is super small and finding one to fit her is going to be a needle in a hay stack but we will finds something eventually...... Sunday we took KE to Walmart to spend her CHRISTmas money which was fun..... Once we got home it all hit the fan...... Sunday was also the Anniversary of my daughters passing 7 years ago everyone says it get easier with time.....I call bull shit cause it doesn't seem to be getting any easier for me... I have done counseling and the whole 9 yards and I am thinking it will just take time...... Then Papa's so called sister called and said that his dad had caught himself on FIRE......... And so then her DRAMA from that ensued ....... Yes he did catch himself on fire while smoking ..... Luckily they are minor burns and he will be OK ....Then on Monday 2 of the kids got sick fever, sore throat, crud and now throwing up...... So no work for me on Monday which was kind of nice to have an extra day........ Tuesday morning I come to work like any normal day start getting stuff ready in my classroom and my phone rings..... Its my dad calling to let me know that my Stepmother had passed away the night before......... From an infection on her foot........ so now I will be spending my Friday at a funeral which I completely hate.......

AG Birthday

Today is Nov the 6th which is AG birthday.... She would have been 9 years old today I look back on the last 7 years since she has past and am not sure how I feel like I have been dealing with it. I think I mostly shut down and just don't deal with it. In our super busy lives since her passing I have barely time to do anything much less feel like I have grieved this great lose.  Parents are not suppose to bury their children but sadly it is something I had to do. I hate that my other children have had to struggle with the lose of their sister and that they are not the same happy go lucky kids that they should be. They miss their sister I think even more then they ever even let me know. She is still a daily part of our lives. We talk about her often and she is never far from our minds. I have trouble coming to terms with the fact I am still mad. Mad at her for disobeying me and going outside unsupervised or the fact she had never gone around the pool at all before that day. That if she had not she would be a happy health 3rd grader doing normal things like math and learning to read and write. Also that I would get to see those stunning blue eyes everyday and that fiery red hair and temper that she had... Thought I would never miss that temper but I do.... Hearing her laugh so loudly and playing with her siblings. I know she is in Heaven and one day we will all be together again. Until that day I miss her and love more then words can even express...... everyone tells me that time heals and it does get better but so far it just get worse and harder every year. I hate the way this affects my 3 living children and KE the most. She is so sad most days and tries so hard to be a normal 10 year old but most 10 year old children have not lost their best friend and sister. So this is just a look into a grieving families life....

This is a poem my oldest KN found and it is very true.....

.Her hair was up in a ponytail

her favorite dress tied with a bow

today was daddy's day at school

and she couldn't wait to go

but her mommy tried to tell her

that she probably should stay home

why the kids might not understand

if she went to school alone

but she was not afraid

she knew just what to say

what to tell her classmates

of why he wasn't there today

but still her mother worried

for her to face this day alone

and that is why once again

she tried to keep her daughter home

but the little girl went to school

eager to tell them all

about a dad she never sees

a dad who never calls

there were daddies along the wall in the back for everyone to meet

children squirming impatiently

anxious in their seats

one by one the teacher called

a student from the class

to introduce their daddy,

as seconds slowly passed

at last the teacher called her name

every child turned to stare

each of them was searching a man who wasn't there

she went to the front of the class

as she smiled up at her mom

and looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on

and with hands behind her back

she slowly began to speak

and from out the mouth of a child came words incredibly unique

'my daddy couldn't be here

because he lives so far away

but i know he wishes he could be

since this is such a special day

and though u cannot meet him

i wanted you to know

all about my daddy and how much he loves me so

he loved to tell me story

she taught me to ride my bike

he surprised me with pink roses

and taught me to fly a kite

we used to share fudge sundaes

and ice cream in a cone

and though you cannot see him

I'm not standing here alone

cause my daddy is always with me

even though we are apart

i know because he told me he'll forever be in my heart"

with that her little hand reached up

and lay across her chest

feeling her own heart beat

beneath her favorite dress

and from somewhere in the crowd of dads

her mother stood in tears

proudly watched her daughter

who was wise beyond her years

she finished with a voice so soft

but its message clear and loud...

'i love my daddy very much

hes my shining star

and if he could, he'd be here

..but heavens just too far' her hair was up in a ponytail her favorite dress tied with a bow today was daddy's day at school and she couldn't wait to go but her mommy tried to tell her that she probably should stay home why the kids might not understand if she went to school alone but she was not afraid she knew just what to say what to tell her classmates of why he wasn't there today but still her mother worried for her to face this day alone and that is why once again she tried to keep her daughter home but the little girl went to school eager to tell them all about a dad she never sees a dad who never calls there were daddies along the wall in the back for everyone to meet children squirming impatiently anxious in their seats one by one the teacher called a student from the class to introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed at last the teacher called her name every child turned to stare each of them was searching a man who wasn't there she went to the front of the class as she smiled up at her mom and looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on and with hands behind her back she slowly began to speak and from out the mouth of a child came words incredibly unique my daddy couldn't be here because he lives so far away but i know he wishes he could be since this is such a special day and though u cannot meet him I wanted you to know all about my daddy and how much he loves me so he loved to tell me stories he taught me to ride my bike he surprised me with pink rose and taught me to fly a kite we used to share fudge sundae and ice cream in a cone and though you cannot see him I'm not standing here alone cause my daddy is always with me even though we are apart I  know because he told me he'll forever be in my heart"with that her little hand reached up and lay across her chest feeling her own heart beat beneath her favorite dress and from somewhere in the crowd of dads her mother stood in tears proudly watched her daughter who was wise beyond her years she finished with a voice so soft but its message clear and loud...'i love my daddy very much hes my shining star and if he could, he'd be here ..but heavens just too far'